life, love, Spiritual, success

Dangerous Obsession

Image result for dangerous obsession

Having desire and passion is a good thing as these are necessary to propel us to achieve success.  However, sometimes if we are not careful we can become obsessed with things, people and even places, which hampers us from seeing clearly and making good decisions. This is because all of our thoughts are consumed by that which we desire. This state of being if not checked will lead to our demise.

The Bible tells a story about a man named Amnon who was in love with his brother’s sister Tamar. This feeling of love soon developed into obsession as she was all he would think about.  He was so desperately obsessed that he became sick and it was evident that something was wrong.  His thoughts became skewed as he thought he would never be able to have Tamar. With the help of a “friend,” he devised a plan that would allow the king to send Tamar to his house to make food for him and feed him.  After she had made his meal, he sent his servants away and asked her to feed him. When she attempted to perform his request, he grabbed her and began forcing himself on her. She pleaded with him not to do this evil thing but instead advised him to ask the king for her as she was certain his request would be granted if that was what he desired. He would not give heed to her advice, however and raped her. His obsession would not allow him to hear the good reasoning. He was blinded by his dangerous obsession.

After he had done this evil, he hated her more than he loved her and had her thrown out of his house. Her brother saw her crying and hid her but hated Amnon because of what he did to his sister Tamar. Eventually, Tamar’s brother killed Amnon because of what he had done to his sister Tamar. Had Amnon not been so dangerously obsessed with Tamar he would not have been killed by Tamar’s brother.

What is it that has consumed your thoughts? Who is it that has consistently captivated your thoughts and heart? Have you become bitter because of situations that you have been through that has caused pain, humiliation, disgrace, etc.? What is the cause of you becoming dangerously obsessed?

Today ask God to turn the search light within your heart so that whatever has caused you to become obsessed can be addressed before it leads to your detriment.

Prayer: God today I ask You to help me to acknowledge the things, places or people that have consumed my thoughts. Empower me to release the pain of the past and accept healing for the present. That which has hampered my growth in You I ask You to strengthen me to walk away from it. Open my eyes that I may clearly see that the things of this world that I have been dangerously obsessed with are not worthy to be compared with the things of the Kingdom of God. Empower me to flee from the allurements of this world that will captivate my spirit and eventually cause me to die. I commit my thoughts into Your hands and ask that You help to think only on things that are just, honest, lovely and of a good report.  Help to think upon things that adds virtue to my life and give praise unto You. Amen.

5/17/17 Dr.R.A.

Humor, love

Reasons Relationships End


Image result for reasons people end relationship

As beautiful it is to love and be loved people leave relationships for various reasons. Some of the typical reasons for ending a relationship are:

1) Changes in needs, goals, or values

2) Differences in what people want out of the relationship

3) Unmet expectations or personality issues

The above are all very valid reasons to end a relationship. However, today while having a conversation with an acquaintance I heard what I thought was a hilarious reason for breaking off a relationship. The reason had absolutely nothing to do with any of the above reasons.  The reason could almost be classified as superstitious or rather bad mojo.

So what’s the reason? Ok here goes the story. Mr.R. stated that he recently started dating a lady who he went to high school with. Initially, his thoughts were that it would be a good match for him as they both had history and he has had a crush on her for the longest while. Physically she satisfied his attraction. As such he asked her on a date which was the beginning of the end.

On the first date while she was parallel parking she bumped into someone else’s vehicle. The person stated that they wanted $600 for the damaged that was caused. She called him (Mr. R.) on the phone and explained what had happened. He came to her rescue and explained that it was price gouging as the damaged could hardly be detected. An auto-body shop was nearby, and he decided to ask what would be the cost to fix the damage. The mechanic stated that it would cost between $200-$250, which proved his point regarding price gouging. The owner of the damaged car, however, insisted that he does not have the time to get the car fix as he was from out of state and wanted $600 for settlement.  They all came to an agreement where he settled for $500 instead.

Being the kind gentleman that Mr.R. was, he decided to help in covering the cost of the damaged car. He did not have any cash on him as such he went to an ATM to withdraw funds. As that issue was resolved, they continued their date, and now it was time to go home. He arrived at his car only to see it about to be towed as the meter had expired. He explained to the driver that it was his car in which the driver stated that if he takes it away, it would cost $160 for him to have his vehicle returned, however, if he gave him $120 he would remove it from the truck and let him have it. He explained to the driver that he did not have any cash on his person, but if he allowed him to go to the ATM, he would give him the money. On his way to the ATM, he found $100 in his wallet and negotiated with the driver who gave him his car.

The second date took place in an area that was very exquisite as such the cost of the meal was very expensive. He did, however, enjoy the time spent and conversation had during dinner. After dinner he realized that he had lost his parking ticket as such, he would be required to pay the full price of for the time parked which amounted to $60. He stated that after he had paid the cost of the ticket, he turned to his date and said: “this is not going to work, as you are costing me too much and this only our second date.” I couldn’t help myself I burst out laughing. He went on to explain that he could only imagine what the next date would be like in terms of cost.

What is your reason for ending a relationship? What is your most “bizarre” reason for breaking it off?

1.25.17 Dr.R.A.

love, Self Esteem, Spiritual

Love Cost


We are often of the persuasion that love does not cost anything. Because of this misconception we settle for less than what we deserve and truly sabotage our own dream and desires.

This settling causes us to live in a sphere less than our true potential. We allow ourselves to become options in the life of others. Their actions further cause us to devalue ourselves as ostensibly we have become fixtures that can be removed and put in place at their own convenience.  We then become stuck at the revolving door not seemingly able to enter another phase or exit the current scene.

We sacrifice our heart, time and the essence of our being for broken individuals because we believe that we have invested too much to walk away empty.  We try to cover our wounds with band-aids and gauzes, but the laceration is so deep that blood runs profusely, further depleting our lives. However, if we could get in a clandestine area for a minute and unmask we would realize that everything around us screams vehemently that there is a price to pay for dreams and desires.

Nature teaches us that in order for a seed to become anything then it has to fall into the earth and pay the price of death. For a baby to be born then conception has to take place, and the mother has to pay the price of housing that seed for a period of nine months. It is the same with obtaining an education, becoming employed and just about any facet of life. There is a price to pay.

God taught us that love costs… and the price is heavy… love costs life. As such, if we are to accept this love then we, in turn, have to pay the price. David stated emphatically “I will not offer God that which costs me nothing.” Grace isn’t cheap!!!  So then, why would we allow someone to get our love for free? Why do we not ensure that they pay the price, pay the price of responsibility and integrity? Why do we not let them know what our standards are and what it takes for them to be a part of our lives?  Are we too fearful of being alone that we settle for half of a man, and broken relationships, hoping against all hope that we will be rewarded eventually for our patience or investment?  Are we so desperate to receive a profit or to break even that we subject ourselves to being used and abused?

Look in the mirror … after all your sacrifice, do you like what you see?  Is it not the time to pay the price to be free?  Is it not the two that shall become one? Then why continue to be deceived about two halves making a whole?  Open your eyes…be true to yourself. You are more valuable than your experience, more than the things that you have been labeled. Stop devaluing yourself and putting yourself on the discount rack. Your shelf life is not expiring so don’t put yourself on markdown.  You are worth more… a lot more!!! YOU ARE WORTH MORE!!!! Pay the price…fall in love with you. Dare to love what you don’t like about yourself.  The persons that deserve to be a part of your life will be more than willing to take note of you, probe for your value and then pay the full cost.  Remember YOU ARE WORTH MORE…A LOT MORE!!!! 9/17/14

love, Self Esteem, Spiritual

You Really Are…LOVABLE!!!!

Discovering that you are loveable can be such an invigorating experience.

To say this might seem strange, but if we were all to be honest and remove the mask that we wear to hide ourselves…oops did I say that? I mean to “protect” ourselves we would realize that there is really nothing to hide from in the first place.

When we view ourselves as unlovable we tend to try and attach ourselves to people who are not really worth the person that we really are all because we feel inferior to them and believe that there is something about their “superiority” that will cause us to feel “normal”.

However, to get to the point where all inhibitions that we have about ourselves and the reasons we think we don’t really deserve the “fairy tale” kind of love can be such a relief.

It is like being removed from the connection of a ventilation machine. It is like coming off of life support and being able to breathe on your own for the first time. Yes, I must admit it is scary. Yes, the first time that you do it will almost take your breath away. Yes at times it will be difficult that you will feel like your respiratory system is going into shock and will collapse. But if you keep calm you will realize that you are actually able to do this.

Why are you able you may ask? Well for the simple reason that God has given you the ability to and that it is a natural phenomenon that He has designed you to do on your own. Who would have thought that you would be able to accomplish such a significant task on your own?

Yes the feeling is overwhelming and at times you will not be able to make sense of it, but it is a delightfully delicious sensation. It is good because for the first time you are not being muzzled, choked to death or being stifled by anything or anyone that you mistakenly thought was your source and from whom you used to absorb some form of identity to yourself.

For the first time you are able to inhale and exhale so deeply and it feels so good….

God did that for you. Yes, He caused you to be alone so that your negative thoughts about yourself could be transformed to positive thoughts. And so that you can be conformed truly into the image that He has designed you to be….a child of the King!!!! One that is loveable in all of your shape, form, size, character, personality, etc.

So now that you have discovered that you really are lovable… don’t ever let the vicissitudes of life tell you otherwise!!!. No matter how continuously, loud and consistent that scream maybe … don’t let it cause you to succumb to its force. Stand tall and strong, knowing who you are!!!


Knowing that you really are oh so very lovable!!!!!